I was being a good girl and so at the gym this morning and still suffering feelings of self-doubt. On Saturday BM had videoed me riding and I was really impressed with the results... when I ride in the arena I do watch the mirrors but am so fixated with the size of my arse that I fail to see anything else. The video was good, I was good!
I'm not sure if I said before but when I was in Colorado I bust my ankle on the first day - falling over in the street - how fucking ridiculous! Anyway, rather than lose my holiday I hobbled on and forced myself to walk over a mile on it to keep it moving, 36 hours later I shoved my poor swollen foot in a ski boot, strapped it up tight and got skiing again. I skiied fine on piste but was having trouble in powder or bumps because it hurt like hell. I lost my confidence a bit and so ended up taking a lesson with one of the top instructors at the resort. Put it this way, he'd been teaching for 25 years and was a professional racer! Anyway, he videoed me skiing and asked me what I thought, well I said "I'm skidding the turns, and I'm doing x, y and z". He looked at me and told me to stop being daft and look again, then he said "there is nothing I can comment on, you're skiing better than people who've had lessons for 30 years". That with a bust ankle and all! So damnit, I know I'm good but I'm so quick to let my confidence get undermined.
There was an older English couple in the hotel who really thought they were the dog's bollocks and all - kept asking me where I'd been skiing (today) and I was saying this face, this face, this hill etc., etc. They kept saying things like "oooh that's steep" or "We never go there" and it became quite apparent to me that they simply did not believe me... fat chicks can't ski et al.
I wish I could get over this caring what other people think. :-(
Monday, March 30, 2009
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2 comments:
long comment, sorry.
Hi, I am sure you're way better than you give yourself credit for, trust the expert! If he says you are good - then dammit girl YOU'RE GOOD!!!
I have similar experiences... never give myself the credit I deserve, always doubt myself, don't see the good, always notice the bad.
And generically people can be total dicks. Most of them not worth paying attention to. The other day in Tesco some asshole damn near shouted "Excuse Me" at me. I told him to Fuck Off, which is when I got "You Fucking Rude Bitch" in reply.
Saying "Excuse Me" doesn't mean you're not being an Arse, it's all in the tone, and his was loud, angry and very aggressive.
We had a good laugh about it, but at the same time I felt awful. Beating myself up about him being an asshole! What's up with that?
haha - at least we CAN tell exceptionally rude people to "fuck off"... I tend not to worry about that these days unless they're VERY big & aggressive looking - or it's right outside my house or something! ;-)
Well the next challenge is that I've just seen a job which would be REALLY good for me... but I'm reluctant to apply. I think I've become a little stuck in a rut here and it's time to move on (and get more moolah) - but it's daunting all the same.
I'm currently brushing up my CV and I think I'm going to send it in and see what happens.
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