I realised on Tuesday morning that I couldn't cope so I phoned my boss to tell her I was going to take a couple of days off to get my head together. I went back to work yesterday and she was so cool about it all which really surprised me as she's an older woman with no kids/husband - but it was great.
Ginger goes away this evening on trial for 2 weeks - hopefully it will all work out well. It's a bit sad though, I rode her yesterday and she was fantastic. I think I'd have found it all a lot less frustrating if every ride had been like that, but my nerves and stresses get in the way a lot of the time.
We're also tentatively putting the feelers out for somewhere new to live. I don't want to buy yet given the possibility that we might go back to the UK, but we want to get away from here because it's just too expensive and actually I want to be closer to town. It would save us up to 1000 a month which is some pretty good holidays. :-)
I haven't yet told my therapist that I lost the baby - I just can't face his reaction - "how do you feel?", "but how do you feel?"
Alex has Borderline
About Me
- Suzanne
- I'm a bit odd and I'm mentally ill but most people seem to think I hold it together. I'm British but I've been living on the continent for 8 years now and I don't know when or if I'll go home. I have borderline personality disorder, avoidant personality disorder and depression. This is my diary of living with mental illness.
3 comments:
didn't realise you were still seeing a therapist.
1k a month would be some lovely holidays, or a nice little deposit. If you buy back in the UK you'll need every penny.
It's down to every 3-6 months now - just a check-up as much as anything.
that's great that you're down to so few sessions. I went through a short patch recently when I freaked about possibly starting a relationship, and I do kind of wish that I were still seeing L, and that she could help me make sense of things.
Having said that I recently started to feel much better about it, and I think I am finally ready to move forward. At a slow steady pace I have to keep reminding myself.
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